Jai Gurudev Ektaji,
For the past 3 months I have been regularly doing my sadhana every morning. Also, I have been listening to and reading knowledge more regularly than before. But I have noticed that I have become much more sensitive to my thoughts and emotions. The more I try to focus on the present moment, the more I feel uneasy. I have started feeling anxious and I can hear my heart beating louder and faster at times. I have never been like this and have always been much more relaxed and easygoing. I don’t understand what is happening to me. I have faith in my master and his teachings and would continue with my sadhana but I am curious to know. Please guide.
If you feel anxiety, first thing to do is:
- Visit a doctor. If you pass the doctor’s test and still feel anxious then probably…..
- Congratulations is in order! You are in Love! These are symptoms of love
When you start walking this spiritual path, many different kinds of symptoms arise.
- Some people behave like ‘Romantic Bollywood actors’, dreamy eyed, elated, always dancing and jumping around, smiling strangely, soaked in thoughts of the beloved [Love for the Guru, God, Self or Consciousness].
- Some people can feel lost and extremely overwhelmed by the opening of an unknown door into an unknown vast spiritual land.
- Some people can actually feel anxious and even despondent, because the mind is now retaliating in a subtle way against this new-found mind-killing remedy called ‘spirituality’. This happens to a few rare gems who start practicing [both technique & knowledge] sincerely, right from the beginning. Understanding the process from the mind’s point of view is very important:
- The mind is used to indulging in the objects of the 5 senses. Its always busy with sight, sound, smell, taste & touch.
- Suddenly it notices that you have taken up a new journey of going within and establishing in Silence [Meditation].
- This Silence is now taking up the time of the mind for indulgence in sense pleasures. It now starts feeling neglected.
- A neglected child always throws tantrums. Tantrums are in the form of anxiety/uneasiness/increased sensitivity, etc. It can have many other manifestations too. Be aware of the drama of this mind!
In either of the situations above, do not give over-importance to the emotions. Emotions are temporary, they come, they go.
Follow your intellect! Be well-founded in your practice and keep walking this path of self-discovery!
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