Question:

Didi, how to overcome the bad habit of reacting to other people. I always react and then regret that I should not have behaved so. Please guide me.

Answer:

Very few people realize that the actual problem is ‘with their own selves’ and ‘not with others’ and ‘not with external situations’. Pat yourself for honestly acknowledging that.

The way we react is almost like an addiction. Have you noticed that you always react in the same way, again and again and again. This repetitive reaction of yours forms a habit pattern. This habit pattern is very harmful. It creates impressions of raaga[like] / dvesha[dislike] in your consciousness and becomes your Karma. And this Karma brings the same situation/person your way again and again and again. This is called the chain reaction of karma. You never get out of this vicious cycle. The culprit is your habit pattern.

How to get out of this habit pattern? Look honestly at your self –

• 1. Recognize that the Real problem is ‘how I react’. It is not the drama created by the other person, it is the drama created in my mind by my reaction.
  2.  Identify the reaction pattern, for e.g. getting angry if room is messy. Watch yourself, you always shout and scream in the same manner at the same people. This is a pattern.
  3.  Identify the sensation behind the emotion experienced, for e.g. whenever you get angry at the sight of the messy room there is a sensation of heat and pressure that first develops in between your eyebrows that starts spreading to the entire head area and sometimes to the entire body. It is not a pleasant sensation.
  4. Recognize that you react to this sensation of heat and pressure because you dislike it. You actually don’t react to the other person’s action. It is this sensation that you react to.
  5. So next time you get angry be 100% aware of the sensation. Once you are aware of the sensation, then you must break this chain reaction at that juncture of sensation converting into emotion. How?
  6. Just by observing the unpleasant sensation and reminding yourself that it is temporary. Every sensation is temporary. Everything is temporary. This will pass. Wait for it to pass! Wait! Don’t react.
  7. Once it passes and you do not feel any sensation in the body, then you can react as much as you want. 😉 In reality, you won’t be able to react after it passes away. After that you only ‘respond’ to a situation, you don’t react! You come out as a winner without any regret! Guaranteed!

Just follow these 7 steps to stop ‘reacting’. This new habit of ‘Non reaction’ will help you erase the past unhealthy habit pattern of ‘reaction’, it has the power of changing your future. Experiment with it just for 30 days, you will never go back to ‘reaction’!

And every time, the mind is tempted to REACT, ask your mind, “What do you want to be – Prisoner of past or Pioneer of future!”?