Question:

I have a very difficult marriage and a temperamental husband who drinks and blames me for his drinking. I am lonely and in pain. I understand this knowledge. I know everything is temporary but I still crave for a good supportive husband and companion. What do I do? How can I get a good companion? How can I not get this emotional pain? Thank you.

Answer:

“Gahana Karmano gatih” – Unfathomable are the ways of Karma! What Karma [action] leads to what Karmaphalam [fruit of action] is not really in our hands. In a way, we are all puppets. Our own past karma is playing with us and strings are in the hands of Niyati. Niyati is just moving us exactly the way our past Karmas were so we cannot even blame Niyati. Niyati does the job of a postman bringing to us what we deserve. It’s your decision whether you want to accept what Niyati brings your way or not.

Rules pertaining to our postman Niyati:

1] When you reject something with Dvesha [strong aversion], it comes back to you in future like an unpaid loan.
2] When you accept something with Raaga [strong craving], it creates future karmic seeds, bringing the appropriate Karmaphalam [not necessarily pleasant].
3] The only way to avoid future karma is to go with the flow of the Karma River. Going with the flow means responding to a Karmaphalam that has come your way, not reacting to it. Reaction creates Karma. Response erases Karma.

To summarize it:

If you make a decision, devoid of raaga and dvesha with a clear mind, applying knowledge, thinking about your own spiritual growth; then only will it be a right decision.

Raaga & Dvesha are born out of simple Desires.

Remember what Lord Krishna said to Arjuna. Desire leads to anger. When that desire is not fulfilled, anger gets multiplied. When anger increases, craving increases and becomes an obsession. Obsession completely destroys the intellect. So don’t move onto that negative side just because of a desire.

How to drop a desire and take the correct action?

1] Recognize that there is a desire.
2] Observe the burning of that desire.
3] When that burning goes away then only take a decision to move in a particular direction.

What do I mean by this? A desire will only create raaga/dvesha and any raaga/dvesha will only create more future Karmaphalam. So don’t take an action out of the raaga/dvesha. Recognize you have the raaga/dvesha. Let it burn you. And after the burning has passed away and when you are calm and quiet in a more peaceful state then only take an appropriate action. No decision is wrong if it is taken devoid of raaga and dvesha.

Lord Krishna said, “Focus on completing your Karma without worrying about your Karmaphalam because you do not have the Right over Karmaphalam.” Only time will tell you what will be your Karmaphalam.

May you be able to pull yourself out of this quagmire. Keep walking the spiritual path. Sukhi bhava!