Meditation is not for me!
While meditating, not even once have I listened to the whole meditation, there are variety of things happening every single time:
1. As soon as I close my eyes, even when I am paying attention to the voice, my mind starts drifting.
2. or a dreamlike state comes about where I cannot even hear the voice.
3. or I think I sleep but I am not sure. I am sure the breathing pattern must become as if I am sleeping as I automatically lean on one side, slouch
4. or at the beginning when the voice says ‘just notice the room’ – that doesn’t happen to me. when I notice the room, my mind goes to details right away and off goes the switch.
About 5 minutes before the meditation is to end, the mind comes back. as if it has a timer set. Is it worth me trying to sit through the sessions or I can change something or maybe meditation is not for me after all?
Meditation is an art. The art to be yourself….. the art to be silent! It is like learning to play the piano. It takes some amount of trial and error to get the beautiful music playing. But unlike the piano, it is definitely for everyone because it is our basic nature to be silent. That is what we actually are…. just silence!
Mind is that pretense that says ‘I am something else besides this silence’. Mind likes to prove its identity whereas silence has no identity. You are silence! You are beauty! You are separate from the mind, you are not the mind, you have a mind.
Silence is nothingness! Therefore you are nothingness! In nothingness, the mind loses its false identity. It becomes ‘no mind’. Mind does not like this state of ‘No mind’. It wants to make its presence felt, that is why like a monkey, it keeps dancing from one thought to another. So what should you do?
You have to practice to be a ‘madaari’ – monkey trainer. It takes some skill to train a monkey. And not every monkey is the same. So every madaari develops his own skill to train his monkey. So keep at it, don’t give up. One day you will be a skilled madaari, don’t stop until then.
Charetveti! Charetveti! Keep moving skillfully on this spiritual path!
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