Question:

My husband is an alcoholic all he does is work and sleep alone, there is practically no interaction or no marriage between us. So I don’t have any company. In spite of understanding all the spiritual knowledge it is very hard for me. I feel extremely lonely and very depressed at home. I don’t have any children. What should I do to come out of this loneliness and depressed feelings and give myself company. How do I change my negative thoughts to positive? Please also recommend which meditation would be best for me?

Answer:

Karma has its own ways. You will have to adopt some techniques to jolt your mind out of depression. The mind needs to be shocked out of it. It needs to be shaken out of depression and sadness. It is your responsibility to be a little hard on your mind and pull it out of its sadness, dear! Remember, you are not clinically depressed, it is just negativity of the mind that is overwhelming you right now. If you think that this is clinical, then you might want to consult a doctor. But if you are clear that it is simply clouds of emotions, then certain actions must be taken by you. 

Here are some things that can help.

• • Remind your mind ‘you brought this onto yourself so stop blaming others’ – It may not be apparent to you but whatever one is experiencing is because one has brought it into his or her own life. It may be through this lifetime’s karma or from a previous lifetime. But you are the author of your own story! It may sound bitter but you have to keep feeding the mind with this bitter pill so that the mind rests and stops blaming others or God even. Blaming your own self is also not a solution. Only cowards resort to blame game instead of taking action. 

• • Spiritual knowledge is the only way out – There is no other permanent solution. Any other solution like company of friends, alcohol, binge TV watching, etc that some people resort to, is only a temporary remedy. It will never bring you the real rest. So you need to make extra efforts for your spiritual progress.

• • Revisit Scriptural Knowledge – Promise yourself that come what may, you will keep revisiting spiritual knowledge on a daily basis, read the book, watch the discussion video again, and do your homework again and again. Make every effort to come out of this dark cloud that you have surrounded yourself with. You have created it for yourself and you will definitely come out by yourself by revisiting the knowledge again and again.

• • Problems have an expiry date – Problems come and go in everybody’s life. You sent this email 4 days ago. Take your mind back to how you were feeling 4 days ago….. are you feeling the same right now? Feelings change. They never remain the same. They are not permanent. Your focusing on them is really just adding the fuel to the fire and making them last longer.

• • Continuous self-effort to let go is mandatory – I would suggest that again and again, let go! It will not happen with a single ‘let go’. You will have to do it again and again. This is called incessant effort – zabardast purushartha!

• • Be committed to being happy come what may – Promise yourself, I will not let anybody’s thoughts steal my moments of peace! So every time a thought bothers you, just take a deep breath and imagine it going out through the ‘Out breath’.

• • Meditate regularly – Here is a meditation list that you can use to meditate on a regular basis – https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRdfdWWXRI5GAhkXgAEBk8Q

Again and again, repeat these techniques. One day the mind will get tired of bringing those negative thoughts your way and you will feel like a new YOU! But don’t stop until then! Then, when the mind is calm, you can take the right decision for your life and marriage. 

Remember that one must first clear the cobwebs of the mind before one makes any decision about his/her life.