How to get over the guilt of Infidelity?
How to work on maintaining internal purity when I know that I have become impure by stepping out of my marriage? How to get over the guilt of Infidelity?
Everything that happens to us is because of our own Karma from the past. The first thing a sincere spiritual seeker must do is his own inner cleansing. Start working on inner purity first. Here is a little tip to start with inner purity:
First, look closely at the following 4 aspects of each incident of your life. Let’s take the example of the personal relationship incident:
1] Tathya – Fact
You got attracted to another woman outside of marriage. This is a fact and there is no denying that.
2] Vyakya – Intellectual/Emotional justification
The mind indulges in justification trying to prove why you did something and why you did not, etc. It creates all kinds of ‘stories’. The story for you maybe that she was more attractive than your wife. Or you have never liked your wife in the first place, etc, etc. Identify that all this is just justification.
You need to develop the skill to be able to separate the Tathya from the Vyakhya. Vyakhya is like a cloudy sky and Tathya is like a star. Identify the Tathya and then go to step 3 to manage the Vyakhya. Understand that your Vyakhya will be your cloud of guilt with its bundle of explanations & justifications & blame & self-criticism, etc.
3] Samarpan – Surrender
Surrender all the Vyakhya to Guru/God/Consciousness whatever you have faith in. Let it be taken care of by the higher energy and you just focus on accepting the Tathya however bitter it is.
4] Sankalpa – Intention
Make a Sankalpa to work on the Tathya. If it was a Raaga, work on it. If it was a Dvesha, work on that. Do your best to iron out all the creases in relationships because of the Raaga/Dvesha. This will help fade out the Karma to an extent.
5] Samarpan II – Surrender again
One needs to surrender even the Sankalpa because you will develop the attachment to your efforts at the Sankalpa level. You might have a subtle desire hidden in the mind, that your efforts will be rewarded or yield the results that you are expecting. You must surrender that too. Remember that the Sankalpa-Samarpan loop is repetitive and must be revisited until complete cleansing is done. Have the courage to go through it, its definitely going to burn you
Work on all your issues in this fashion. You will surely rise out of this difficult phase in life. Give yourself time to work on your internal purity applying knowledge and meditating regularly. One fine day, you will come out pure! But remember, to reach that purity of shiny gold, one must be ready to burn the black ore of the mind, are you ready to burn?
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