Question:

JGD Ektaji, I have been dumped by my boyfriend and I just cannot find the courage to let go and move on. My ego is hurt and I really want to know why? Why has this happened to me? I want to still make it happen but he just won’t listen. I keep begging him and now I don’t feel good about myself. Does brooding over my past create karma for me? How do I move on?

Answer:

This is not going to be easy so take a deep breath in and relax. Again, another breath in, hold…….. and relax. I understand that this is a difficult time for you but remember in order to get out of quicksand, you cannot come up with a successful strategy by kicking and crying and struggling with the quicksand. If you want a solution to ‘get out of it’ then you need to focus on the outside of the quicksand. Maybe look for a hanging tree branch with the help of which you can pull yourself out. That is the only way that you can get out of it successfully and quickly.

Brooding over the past is nothing but kicking and punching with the quicksand, while you are in its belly, it is only going to pull you in deeper. HOW?

• 1. Continuously repeating the same old record in your head creates attachment.
  2. The non-attainment of your attachment will lead to anger.
  3. The anger will only drive your relationship far away from you and you will find yourself back in the same spot craving for him more and more.

This repetitive cycle of attachment-> non-attainment-> anger-> attachment-> non-attainment-> anger creates a feverishness inside you. This feverishness is nothing but seeds of future Karma. Because of the seeds, this cycle of pain will repeat.

You might think ‘Oh great, it will create future seeds of karma with the same person, so he might come back into my life, even better’.

No ! No ! Do NOT allow the mind to fool you like this. Future seeds means that the ‘pattern of suffering’ will be repeated. You might land up in another similar situation where things do not work out. This is a pattern.

People usually complain that they always find the same patterns in their relationships….. this is the ACTUAL mechanism how that pattern operates and repeats. So if you want the pattern to stop, then:

Rule Number 1 – Drop attachment to anything or any person of the past. If some person or something has gone away, it usually means that your ‘karma exchange’ with this person or thing has come to its expiry date. By you brooding and crying and pleading, it does not change the ‘karma expiry date’. Again, I am not saying that you must not make attempts to salvage a relationship, I am saying, even after you have made several attempts if it is not happening, it means that the ‘karma exchange’ is even now.

Rule Number 2 – The thoughts of the past will still keep coming up, you must make yourself courageous enough to ‘observe’ any thoughts and emotions that come and ‘DO NOT REACT’ to them. Your reaction whether mental or physical will create karma. Here are a few examples of how you will create karma:

• • By ‘repeatedly thinking & brooding
  • By acting out of your emotions
  • By encouraging thoughts about the past
  • By building castles in the air about what can happen in future

Rule Number 3 – Understand that you have become ‘Mortgage free’. Yes, you were paying for a past loan with this person. That is the real reason why certain people meet certain people. It was payback time. Payback is not always a bad time. Just being a mentor in someones life and giving lots of love is also a happy phase but it is payback. That payback is now over.

You are Mortgage free! Feel the freedom! Experience the FREEDOM by understanding it in its entirety.

Remind the waver-y mind to recognize these 3 principles of ‘Expired Karma’, ‘Karma creation principle’ and ‘Being Mortgage -free’. The mind will forget and go back to its old pattern, but it is your job to remind it like a good mommy/daddy and bring it back to wisdom!