Question:

I just got out of a bad and abusive marriage, my parents helped me out. Seven years ago, I was in an abusive relationship too, at that time also my parents helped me out. I am trying to understand what kind of karma is this? And, how can I get out of my bad karma with the opposite sex?

Answer:

Gahana Karmano Gati! Unfathomable are the ways of karma.

Repetitive patterns in life are a sign that strong karmas from the past [maybe from a previous lifetime] have not been exhausted yet. The unexhausted karma keeps coming back at you repeatedly because payback is still pending.

What makes a Karma repeat?

Every time a karma returns, you react in exactly the same manner because of your behaviour pattern of Raaga[craving]/Dvesha[aversion]. In turn, you only create Raaga and Dvesha [future karma seeds] which set another karma cycle in motion [which will come back again]. That’s how the cycle continues and the same thing keeps repeating until the lesson is learnt without creating Future Raaga/Dvesha seeds.

Identify the real issue:

This real issue is not ‘bad karma with the opposite sex’. The issue is your habit pattern triggered by Raaga or Dvesha.

How to resolve this issue?

1] Recognise the habit pattern of Raaga or Dvesha that has led to this repetitive karma. 

Look back at your past two relationships. Do not blame the two people. They are not the cause of your pain. Both of them brought the same kind of karma back to you. So, treat them as two separate instruments or vehicles of karma.

For example, you have a tap in your kitchen and you have a tap in the laundry area. One tap is not better than the other, both are vehicles of water. Both were lessons…period!

2] Figure out the common lesson behind the episodes with the 2 Karma vehicles.

Do not have Dvesha towards your ex-husband or the ex-boyfriend, the people are not important in this situation. If you are interested in progressing spiritually, then you should look at the bigger picture. Look at each episode objectively keeping your emotions aside and identify the lesson.

3] Drop the Raaga or Dvesha that you found by your analysis.

I am not saying that you will be able to do this overnight. But, start working on your Raagas and Dveshas now.  Make a list of all the Raagas/Dveshas that you have for people, situations, and things. Then, one by one, work on acquiring the skill, to grow bigger than your wants, wishes, and desires. Spiritual knowledge from the scriptures will help you on this journey.

Nipping the karma in its bud by overcoming the Raaga/Dvesha, will prevent it from returning back in future.

Let go of the past and move on this beautiful spiritual path! Sukhi Bhava!