Question:

It feels like the clouds move in and also pass. At times it seems clear, then again doubt arises. In these moments, staying aware of me as the witnessing field seems to settle things, like I’m back in neutrality, then again doubt arises, and identification seems to be here again. Experientially, I can see this waker is part of the waking dream. I can sense this witnessing field is what I am, and at the same time, the mind keeps arising with doubts: “Maybe I don’t see anything.” How to establish in the SEEing that I am the nothingness?

Answer:

Doubt is a wonderful thing on the spiritual path, my dear. It is actually a safety valve.

• • One must always begin with doubt. If you begin with certainty, you will never raise a question.
  • If you never question, the mind will absorb others’ ideas, traditions, and beliefs as eternal truths. Such a mind becomes a storehouse of secondhand knowledge. It will only adhere to and imitate what others have said.
  • This pattern inhibits self-insight as there is no room for self-discovery. The critical bend of the mind, which is a prerequisite for self-inquiry and self-investigation, will never develop.
  • The lack of questioning dulls the awareness and makes everything predictable. This is the death of intelligence and hence the death of self-inquiry.
  • Not to question means to stay within the boundaries of what the ego knows. The ego feels safe when there is no questioning. Avoiding questioning is actually fear.

Questioning yourself is essential for progress on the path of direct seeing. A doubt is a good thing because it is a question. Embrace it. Reality reveals itself only through doubt and direct seeing. Questioning begins an inner revolution; this is a must on the Vichara Marga [Self-investigation path]. So, please consider it as a sign of intelligence.

What to do when a doubt arises?

• • Appreciate that you bear an intelligent mind, not a ‘follow the herd’ mentality.
  • When a doubt arises, investigate within and find the answer. A question arises only to the one who bears the capacity for answering it. The answer lies within.
  • Immerse yourself in Direct Seeing until it builds self-conviction. Allow direct Seeing to become so intimate that doubt no longer finds any ground.

What is Self-Conviction?

I know that when I put my hand into the fire, it burns. This is my knowing, not my belief. I know this reality through contact with the fire, not through the ‘Because you say so, I believe you’ mentality. Similarly, Self-Conviction grows through continuous contact with the truth, not through argument, discussion, belief, etc. That which becomes my self-insight through continuous contact is the only aspect that can build Self-Conviction.

How to establish in Direct Seeing? 

• • Recognize the difference between glimpses of being the Witness and establishment as the Witness Consciousness.
  • Accept that old tendencies or conditioning pull one back into identification with personhood. Observe and understand clearly instead of resisting slipping back.
  • Have the courage to trace back the Seeing for which the doubt has arisen. Ask yourself – Who is aware of the seeing? Can the awareness be doubted?
  • Allow Silence to digest the insight. Stillness digests understanding into conviction. Allow the investigation to anchor the conviction in the Seer, not the Seen. When the conviction abides in the Awareness itself, it no longer depends on an experience.
  • Live according to what you have seen.

Understand what shakes Direct Seeing? 

• • The company of ones who do not see. Wanting your experience to match theirs is the biggest mistake.
  • Judging yourself when old tendencies reappear. Self-judgment weakens Self-Conviction. Self-observation strengthens Self-Conviction.

The Last words:

When the mind seeks validation – “Am I doing it right?”- recognize that awareness itself does not ask questions. Returning to the silent awareness will break the validation-seeking pattern of the mind.

When the pattern is broken, the mind gets out of the way, Direct SEEing finds space to blossom. Self-insights arise spontaneously. Self-conviction in your Direct-SEEing becomes your reflex, not because you defend it, but because nothing can contradict your SEEing.

Leave the mind alone, it will quieten itself!